I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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