note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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