Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
