im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
