she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
