Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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