Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize