I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
