Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
