So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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