I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
