i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize