It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
