My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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