Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
