Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
