yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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