i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize