I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
ok first of all what the fuck
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
