im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
