you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
