And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
