Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
