Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
