Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
vagina is talking i cant
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
