The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
