i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize