Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
