Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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