That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cockslap morals
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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