I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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