I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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