i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
