she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
