I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
