I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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