I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
