mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
