Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
