I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A bitchslap is in order.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
