somebody snuck up and got me drunk
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
