So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just blew my weed a kiss
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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