I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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