I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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