you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
