There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
