Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
