Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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