I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
