Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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