dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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