Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
