Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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