so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
