He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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