i may or may not be watching the land before time
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
