You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
