so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
