From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
