to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
