If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
