I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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