Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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