well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
