Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my poor anus
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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