Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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