i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
