yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
