I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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