I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
