the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
