Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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