Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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