That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
