have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
